TheQuick: Woodbury Cafe

This strip mall restaurant is nestled in the forgotten business area of Woodbury known as Tamarack Hills, and it bravely flies a banner, "Best Breakfast in Town". With such a bold statement of course I had to check it out. I can now say that without a shadow of a doubt this place hadn't visited Key's before making that statement. To be fair this place's specialties are caramel rolls and eggs benedict which I didn't have. The only benedict I ever liked was Face from the A-Team and as far as caramel rolls go, that's more like a crumb on Nell Carter's mustache than a breakfast. I'm a person who when ventures out for breakfast wants the basics. To put things in perspective I like things to taste good on their own. To avoid being pinned as completely negative I'll make mention of some of my favorite eateries that are so good at the basics that you can eat them without even thinking to reach for syrup, ketchup, or any other condiment artillery in order to break your food down into something flavorful. For breakfast, my top three of the moment are the Day by Day Cafe, Al's Breakfast, and Key's Bakery. Alright, one small addendum to the top three, Grand Lux has the best breakfast but sadly they don't have one in the state of Minnesota. Back to point this cafe left me somewhat confused with regard to flavor and aesthetics. The food itself seemed to lack flavor unless you piled on berries, pumpkins, apples, or the $1.50 real maple syrup. I ordered up the typical basic breakfast of pancakes and sausage to which they handed me an accompaniment of a shot glass of syrup. I assume it was fake syrup since they make overwhelming efforts to mention the offering of real syrup for a buck and a half. The shot of syrup was quickly absorbed by the two buttermilk pancakes which seemed to be more marketable as a new type of super sponge. Thankfully I had a nice cup of coffee to help me through the moisture sucking cakes as they drew every ounce of moisture from my body like In Living Color's Vortex 2. As for the decor it reminded me of a Starbuck's and I shudder to think what the cafe reminded the guy sitting across from me of as he continually wet burped up his hefty meal while kicking off his shoes to expose his hole ridden socks. Not that I find that sight disturbing since I've found the that sign of a good diner is one that's wrought with Sling Blade look alikes. Sadly though this place left me wondering if it was a diner, a cafe, or just a place to get caramel rolls. At one point they were even incenting people to just stay home and eat by raffling off a grill. In short if you like rolls, stuff coated with berries, or eggs coated with sauce take a trip to this spot. Now to the quick of it. 

 

The Good

  • It's location puts it about two stop lights from everywhere so there is a chance it may not be as crowded as everywhere else.
  • The staff is very friendly and even when packed deals well with each customer.
  • If you like random toppings on your pancakes, this is the place for you. 

The Bad

  • Just couldn't justify paying 15 bucks for a breakfast that left me wondering where I'm going to eat next.
  • For free syrup they should really just bring by a giant machine shed sized basin of it or at the very least a pitcher.
  • They seem to want to take a modern spin on classics, but they fail to get the classics tasting anything other than bland.

The WTF

  • They call themselves the New Woodbury Cafe, where's the old one and what happened to it. 
  • They have a pineapple upside down pancake, 'nuff said.

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